Extreme Ennui. No discussion of music (or the TONY's for that matter.)

"In my soul I feel an inner lack. Just suppose he wants his dinner back!"

Well, here I am about to turn thirty...almost!

Being unemployed was fun when I had dentist appointments to do and general "things" to do, but now I am just suffering from extreme ennui. This has only been exasperated by my reading of Russian novels in which everyone seems to be constantly bored. Grigory Alexandrovich Pechorin? Bored. Sophia Alexeyvna? Bored. Anna Karenina? Bored. Andrei and Pierre? BORED. Princess Mary Ligovsky? BORED again! You get the idea. Everyone in Russia during the nineteenth century was bored.

I received my History of Western Music book (5th edition Grout) that is required for taking my diagnostic test on June 25, but I was too bored even to read THAT. You know it's bad when you are too bored/tired to do anything that would make you unbored or untired. Crippling! Ennui is crippling! I am crippled by ennui. Okay, you get the point.

The problem with my ennui is that it is caused by a lack of activity, because I do not have a job besides teaching my nine year old. If I could teach nine year olds all day everyday, I would. Not kidding, and not just for the money! Nine year olds, at least the one that I teach, are so smart and insightful. It is so wonderful to see someone who has yet to be corrupted by a world in which you're "supposed" to give the right answer. When I ask her question she actually looks for the answer instead of saying "Okay, what do I have to say in order to make him think that I am smart?" I am going to begin practicing this more.

Oh, I got off topic. So ennui comes from no job. No job equals not having money to do things that would help to alleviate ennui. I would love to take yoga or a Russian class in the city, but such things cost the money, and since it now costs me $20 to go to NYPenn roundtrip (as opposed to $13 in March!), it is an expense for me to even go into the city and walk around, window shop, pretend I live there.

One luxury that I am allowing myself is the revival of my voice study. I found a great teacher who teaches in the city. When she told me her fee, I nearly died because 1. I couldn't afford it 2. I was embarrassed to say I couldn't afford it, but I told her anyway. The moral of the story is: people are nice. She said that I could pay what I could afford. GET IT!!! So, because I feel bad taking charity and not giving anything back, I offered to help her. Now she wants me to be her studio assistant and help her with scheduling. SCORE. The downside (which is not even a downside) is that I won't get paid to do this...I think. I'll just get discounts (like 60%) off of an hour lesson. Yay. I am willing to do this, because if I am going to take voice lessons again they are going to be from someone who is known in the business and who knows what they are talking about. My first lesson is tomorrow at 2:30. ZOMG I am getting out of the house, and it doesn't involve going to Borders to buy books or go to Dunkin Donuts to get fat!

So friends. Pray or send out good vibes that I will get a job so that my ennui will be banished, and I can go back to being the eccentric, snarky Jersey boy that you all fell in love with all those years ago...