I went into the city today to have my voice lesson. I decided to walk from 34th and 8th to 83rd and Broadway, because I need to get exercise and the whole "having a car and living in New Jersey thing" is not conducive to exercise. On the way, I stopped at the Westsider Records store and bought some fabulous items including a Verdi Requiem score ($9) and a recording of highlights from Lucia di Lammermoor with Luciano Pavarotti and my beloved Renata Scotto ($5). They also had Ned Rorem's diary, but I will buy that next week. He "tells all" about his liaisons with famous gay Americans such as Truman Capote, Leonard Bernstein, and Aaron Copland...oh, and I guess he talks about musics too???
Then I went to my lesson. People. I cannot tell you how absolutely happy and now confused I am. Happy because this was the best voice lesson I have ever had. Twenty minutes into the lesson I was singing high A's, B-naturals, and (2) C's that were (almost all) connected to the breath, my body, and right on pitch. That is a good fifth + above anywhere I have normally vocalized let alone healthy sustained. The best part? It wasn't just "hitting notes." Oh, no, no! Anyone who has worked with me knows that it is not enough to "hit" the note. I sustained them. They were my voice, and they were connected, and they were pretty darn attractive.
Additionally, my teacher is of that rare breed who really wants to and loves teaching. She was just as excited as I was. I remember at one point we were both laughing hysterically because we were both excited about what was happening. Ridiculous.
That being said, we have a lot of work. She is basically reworking my voice entirely. I cannot wait.
Now, why am I confused? Because she told me to not entirely give up the idea of performing. She thinks that as a singer I am employable, and that I'd be very marketable as a "spieltenor" (character tenor.)
UGH! I just spent two years of my life convincing myself that I had no desire to perform! And now I have a consummate professional, who actually knows what she is talking about, who is teaching me how to sing for the first time in my life with my voice, telling me that I could perform for a living.
The question is...do I want that life? Maybe. I do not want to audition endlessly. I do not want to face massive rejection. I don't want to be in debt, and I don't want to have to live the nomadic life of a professional opera singer or musical theater actor. But I have to say that the stage is one of the few places that I feel comfortable "expressing myself" and taking risks. And, let's be honest, we all like the applause.
All things for me to think about. What I am concentrating on right now, however, is the here and now. I am getting my masters for free in a field that I love, which leaves money for paying off my loans, paying for voice lessons, and extra language and theory classes in the city if I want. Plus I am close enough to NYC that I could audition if I wanted to.
One day at a time! Now, I just need to get over my massive anxiety (I felt like I needed 6 valium before I auditioned for Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and felt like I need an additional six every night before the actual performances) and enjoy life.
Oh, wait. First, I need a job.
Okay, I am interested in everyone's thoughts and comments. Hugs.
Also, I know I am a terrible blog proofreader. Forgive me.
Things I love about your recent entries:
ReplyDelete-Verdi Requiem
-Lucia, of course
-Spieltenor (I agree that you are extremely marketable in this fach, if you so choose)
-Grout (I spent last summer chugging through the early music/baroque chapters, and racked up a hefty library fee. Still, it was worth it)
-Pretending to live in New York
-A great voice teacher/lessons (a rare find)
-You throwing around the idea of performing again (in whatever capacity), because the stage needs you, dahling
If you DON'T want those things, then don't do it. It's not worth it. As they always say, if you can see yourself being happy doing something else, do that! Not saying you're not faboosh, just trying to save you from the heartache that no one wants! :)
ReplyDeleteMa piano, steven. Wu wei. It doesn't matter right now. As long as you're taking lessons, enjoying them, and putting fourth the effort, that door will remain open for you. You don't need to decide now which path you want to take a few years down the line, but it must feel good to know that there are many paths available to you. Don't think too much and don't stress at all. Just take it slowly and time will aid you.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm just a teenager doped up on hydrocodone and pain, so what do I know...
Agreed with Jay. One thing at a time. What's important NOW is that you remain the musicologically brilliant person you are, regardless of what path you eventually choose.
ReplyDeleteAlso, a Verdi score for NINE BUCKS? I need to visit this alleged New York place!
There's no reason you can't be a musicologist and a performer. Studying musicology would only make you a better performer, like Julianne Baird and Patrice Michaels and people like that. It bugs me that there's this divide between music academics and music performance, because it really seems to me like one can inform the other in a big way. Go for it!
ReplyDeleteAlso, if there's anything I'm learning from getting involved in Chicago theater, it's that you can have an active performing career without traveling. I know so many people who are Chicago-area performers almost exclusively. And if you're in New Jersey, you can take advantage of the NYC performing scene.
ReplyDeleteOh, exactly! You can be a musicologist by day, and a performer by night! I'm really happy that you're taking lessons again and enjoying them. That's what you should focus on for the time being. The right choice for you will become more apparent in time. Although I must say that it was wonderful seeing you come alive onstage. You have brilliant instincts and you would make a fantastic performer.
ReplyDelete